Jews Overwhelmingly Opposed Prop 8. That Begs Three Big Questions.

If I got back together with my ex-boyfriend, Trevor, and we decided to get married or have a committment ceremony, my rabbi would not officiate the service. My synagogue would send us elsewhere. That might come as a shock to those who know how unwaveringly proud I am to be gay. How could I belong to a homophobic shul or religion? How could I have an anti-gay rabbi?

The answer is I do not. The problem with Trevor and I getting married is not that we're both guys. The "problem" is that Trevor is a Christian. Conservative rabbis (as a rule) do not officiate the wedding ceremonies of interfaith couples. The idea is that Jewish families are strongest when both parents are committed to the faith; therefore intermarriage is discouraged. (Most Conservative rabbis will give the names of more liberal Reform rabbis willing to marry them, and the couples' membership in the Conservative synagogue will remain in good standing.)

Now personally, I think as long as the couple plans to raise their children in the Jewish faith, they should be allowed to have a Conservative wedding in their own synagogue. (On the other hand, if you plan on raising your kids Christian, I'm not sure why you even care about having a Jewish wedding anyway.) There are many reports out there which show that Christian moms or Hindu dads can do an outstanding job of making sure their kids get a quality Jewish education. But that's a subject for another day.

More interesting to me is this: although Conservative Jews oppose interfaith marriage, they are not trying to get that religious belief enshrined in the law. Even though there are probably a few scriptural verses they could point to as biblical evidence they are correct, they are not trying to legislate their religious beliefs on this subject. The same can be said of Orthodox Jews. On the subject of Jew/gentile marriage, Orthodox Jews make Conservative Jews look like. . . Unitarians. You sometimes get the feeling the ban on interfaith marriage is the most important aspect of halakha. They get really worked up about this. But Orthodox Jews are NOT out there trying to force this religious belief down everyone else's throat. They are, however, joining the right wings of every other religion to force anti-gay legislation on everyone. Proposition 8 was pushed by fundamentalists in many religions.

Of course, in Judaism, fundamentalists are in the minority. The dominant expression of Judaism is the theology espoused by the Reform and Conservative movements. That helps explain why a disproportionate number of Jewish people in California opposed Proposition 8.

Regarding marriage equality, "Los Angeles Jews were more opposed to Prop 8 than any other religious group or ethnic group." --Wikipedia

That brings up some big questions. Number 1: Why is the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America so out of touch with the rest of Jewrey? Why is it aligning itself with the Roman Catholic Church, The Knights of Colombus, the Church of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons), the American Family Association, Focus on the Family, and countless charismatic, health-and-wealth churches on the subject of marriage equality? Why did Orthodox Jewish organizations feel the need to cast their votes against a fellow minority by supporting Proposition 8?

Number 2: Why does the media act like fundamentalist voices are the only ones that matter in religions? That's cruel enough in religions like Christianity, where we rarely hear the viewpoints of progressive Episcopals or United Methodists. But in Judaism, the media's disregard for progressive Jewish viewpoints is outrageous. Orthodox Judaism makes up the SMALLEST part of Judaism.

Not only were individual Jews on the frontlines of Prop 8 protests, but Jewish organizations also lined up to oppose Prop 8. Jewish Mosaic, the American Jewish Committee, Progressive Jewish Alliance, the National Council of Jewish Women, and thousands of rabbis from all denominations (including Orthodox) opposed this hateful legislation, along with progressive members of other religions ("L.A. Jews Overwhelmingly Opposed Prop 8, Exit Poll Finds." LA Times.)

The Board of Rabbis of Southern California came out in favor of equality. "For many rabbis, it speaks on a personal level in terms of people they deal with whose lives have been impacted over the issue,” said Rabbi Stewart Vogel of Temple Aliyah in Woodland Hills and the board’s president of approximately 290 members.

Most religious Jews support marriage equality. Even Conservative ones. And marriage and families are an important part of Judaism. That brings us to the biggest question of all.

Number 3: Since Judaism allows same-sex marriage, why are gay Jews being kept from fully practicing their faith? Jews are encouraged by their faith to get married and raise Jewish kids. America's bigoted stance on marriage equality (and in some states, adoption) is prohibiting this for Jews who happen to be gay. Also, think about all the gay Christians who belong to chuches that would gladly celebrate their marriages.

Orthodox and Conservative Jews do not try to legislate bans on interfaith marriage. Evangelicals and Mormons do not try to outlaw adultery. Roman Catholics do not attempt to criminalize birth control or condoms. They simply preach their beliefs from the pulpits and leave those with differing opinions subject to secular law. Contrary to the lies the religious right was spreading before Prop 8, marriage equality does NOT criminalize the clergy who wish to spread hate and bigotry to their congregants. Look at the two U.S. states where gays have equal rights (and most of Europe.) Those places still allow religious nuts to be as backwards and ignorant as they want.

Places of worship will always be allowed to discriminate against gay people, and any clergyperson who does not want to marry a gay couple will never have to, just as my rabbi will never have to marry me and a Christian. But subjecting a group's civil rights to the votes of an angry mob of religious maniacs should not be Constitutional. If you care about "the sanctity of marriage," then ban straight divorce!! Let's throw adulterers in jail. If you support a ban on my right to marry, you're not pro-marriage--you're just anti-gay.

MY religion is okay with my being gay. I couldn't care less about yours'.